The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
