Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
