Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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