Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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