now i know why i became what i already was.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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