mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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