just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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