I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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