gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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