I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
as a side note pls kill me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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