after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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