What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize