I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
