At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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