I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize