hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
