so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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