Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got chris browned last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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