i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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