I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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