I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
