my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
