Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
