Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
