if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
