I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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