He is such a slut. More and more my type.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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