I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
