i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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