My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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