oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
