my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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