I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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