ugly people sure do ruin things
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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