im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
they're like a gay fantastic four
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
