I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
