she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
