I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
