How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
