If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
