Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
