i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
