My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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