Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
