it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
