I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
