Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just found puke in my bra..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
