I'd wear matching sweaters with you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Less talking, more tequila
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
