it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
