i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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