I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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