I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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