You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Soap is not a condiment
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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