Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
