I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
