i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
