i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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