Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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