He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
