She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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