I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize