The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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