just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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