i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
