I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
